Ok, I think I’ve figured it out. Now that I’ve just cried at O’Kelly’s and spent the last half hour crying in my shower, I think I know what’s going on in my head. Everything is becoming a reality right now. I can honestly say that this has been the best year since I’ve come to CMU. I have the best friends in the world, the best roommates in the world, and the best boyfriend in the world. OTF was a blast and I can honestly say looking back at past years it was the most fun I’ve ever had in that organization. I went to 2 of the best conferences ever. Regionals was definitely a blast. Granted that was the start of my relationship with B.J., but I had so much fun with Jackie, Beth, and Bryan at Joey’s. That and I’ll never forget the “busket” of steamboat. In the words of Matt, “Best conference ever.” Nationals was also an awesome time. Especially the night that we went to Ike and Jonsey’s. EVERYTHING about that night was great. I’ve also finally figured out what I’m going to do with my life and I’m so excited. Too bad I’ve had to go through numerous major changes, but it’s all been worth it.
So the thing now is, after I’ve had one of the best years of my life, how do I leave and go home for the summer. Usually by this time of the year I’m ready to go home because I’m mad at someone, had horrible classes, or something is driving me to go home and work insane hours. Instead, I’m dreading this last week because I’m going to miss everyone so much. I regret the last few weeks because I’ve spent so much time in the library studying and away from my apartment, I haven’t had the chance to hang out with my roommates. My days have consisted of going to class/work, to the library, and then over to B.J.’s to sleep. That’s another thing that sucks. He’s leaving in 2 weeks and for the past 2 weeks we really haven’t spent a ton of time together. Well at least it seems like we haven’t. Whenever we do spend time together it’s for OTF purposes, in the library studying, or going to the bar with other people. We haven’t had the chance to really spend time with each other, and now that finals have come, that leaves me with 2 nights to hang out with him and then I’m off to LeaderShape and home for the summer. The longest I’ve gone without seeing him was 10 days over x-mas break. Now I’m going to potentially go 3 months without seeing him.
In the same time that I’m worrying about that situation, I chanced losing my best friend. Since I’m never here, I never get to see Rox. And I suppose I should add Sue in there too. What’s the longest time I’ve gone without talking to Rox … um, 10 hours. Now I haven’t really talked to her in the last 2 weeks. I miss my best friend. I’m not going to be able to see her barely at all this summer and after last summer how am I going to deal with this. She’s leaving 2nd semester to go to Florida and Sue is leaving to student teach.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m so excited to hang out with people I have almost lost touch with, like Volpe, Kathy, Eric and Aimee. I’m just going to miss everyone else. I’m going to miss working on Safari. I got the opportunity to take on this huge project, and now I have to leave it just as the pace starts to pick up. I'll miss the whole end of it. I’m going to miss working in MGX, and having Dani make me laugh. One of my best friends is getting married this summer and I’m going to lose him to the corn of Iowa. I’m going to miss Matthew because he’s graduating. I’m going to miss Bart, Mike and Miah, even though I’m living with them next year. I’m going to miss all my close OTF friends.
So to wrap up this mess of a journal entry up, the reason that I’m an emotional basket case is because I’ve just realized that I have 3 days left with my friends and the only feeling going through my head right now is regret. I don’t know how to make it stop, and frankly I don’t know how to make the tears stop, I’m like a faucet. Am I installed with an off button? So to all my friends out there, I’m going to miss you all more than you know.
“No love, no friend can cross the path of our destiny without leaving some mark on it forever.” Current Mood: sad